When I think of “Hercules” Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson is not the first image that comes to my mind.  Nor did the long hair and short beard make it any better for me.

Clearly, “the Rock” spent a long time in the gym preparing for the role and despite his previous wrestling career (sorry, because of it) is acting is good enough to help you suspend your disbelief—and he’s had plenty of practice.

The Internet Movie Database credits him with some 94 past and future acting projects to include “Black Adam” in the coming must-miss comic hero movie “Shazam!”

Eager to tap in to its rival, Marvel, DC comics had co-named the character “Captain Marvel” which is pretty gay even by comic book standards.

Wikipedia explains why “Shazam!” will be a must-miss for me:

The character was created in 1939 by artist C. C. Beck and writer Bill Parker, and first appeared in Whiz Comics #2 (February 1940), published by Fawcett Comics.

Shazam is the alter ego of Billy Batson, a boy who, by speaking the magic word “Shazam”, can transform himself into a costumed adult with the powers of superhuman strength, speed, flight, and other abilities. His name is an acronym of the six figures from whom his magical powers derive: Solomon, Hercules, Atlas, Zeus, Achilles, and Mercury.

When it comes to being thrilled by an avenger of injustice it doesn’t get any more stupid than a little boy who utters a “magic word” to rush past puberty into a “combination of Solomon, Hercules, Atlas, Zeus, Achilles, and Mercury.”

Nor does it get any more dangerous or contradictory to the Christian world view.

Johnson’s best role so far has been as John Matthews in Snitch; the owner of a construction company who must immerse himself in a Mexican drug cartel to free his son from prison.  Snitch highlights all of the outrages of the prison/industrial complex and how it feeds off of the rigged “Drug War” but falls short in showing how high the scam runs (all the way to the top in the United States and elsewhere).

Hercules was actually the second movie depicting the Greek “hero” in 2014, behind the somewhat less well-known Legend of Hercules starring Kellan Lutz.

Why, you’d almost think Hollywood was trying to push an agenda glorifying the bastard hybrid offspring of the god Zeus.

Zeus was a busy god who sexually assaulted humans on a very regular basis.  The mother of Hercules, Alcmene, was just one of many, to include Leda, Antiope, Callisto, Europa and Ganymede (a boy).

Hercules’ real name is “Heracles”, “the glory of Hera”.  For every girl and boy Zeus raped there was a compounding of the crime by the jealous goddess Hera—Zeus would rape someone and then Hera would curse them or their offspring (she must’ve been muslim).  Alcmene had hoped to stave off her anger with the name but it didn’t work.  She sent two serpents to kill Heracles the toddler (not to be confused with British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger) but quickly dispatched them.

Murdering small children before they can grow into a threat is an old story in the Bible from the unnamed Pharaoh of Exodus 1 who ordered all of Moses’ generation to be murdered by their midwives to Herod ordering all of the boys 2 years old and under to be slaughtered in Bethlehem in an effort to kill Jesus (both failed, by the way).

But I digress…

The first formula in Hercules 2014 is now a foundation of all Hollywood movies: all stories of men in camaraderie and combat must include at least one woman who can kick your ass.

The role of “Atalanta” (Ingrid Bolsø-Berdal¹) was so ridiculously embellished I didn’t know if I was going to make it through the damn movie.  Not only can she kick your ass but she has the archery prowess of a metrosexual elf and saved the muscle-bound man-hero more than once.

In original Greek myth, Amazons would hack off one of their breasts to increase their skill wielding a sword but that detracts from outrageously-contrived amalgam of a woman who is both sexy and can kick your ass.

And speaking of departing from the original myth, in the movie, Iolaus (Reece Ritchie) is Hercules’ story-telling nephew.

According to Plutarch, he was Heracles’ boy play-thing.

Ah but Greek pederasty (man-boy “love”) and pedophilia never got in the way of telling a good story, did it?  Certainly rape and lust played a key role in the two 300 movies with their equally ridiculous depiction of every Greek male warrior being built like a body-building champion.  Although the violence was there in Hercules (but to a lesser degree), the sex was not, fortunately.

Another formula filler was the money-minded comrade who cuts all ties before the final battle because he got paid.  Not even Atalanta’s heartfelt “we’re all family!” speech was enough to keep Autolycus around.  But, at a key moment, he comes racing back in to turn the tide, just as Harry Luck (Brad Dexter) did way back in 1960 for The Magnificent Seven.

John Hurt as “Lord Cotys” wasn’t quite as active as, say, Bernard Hill’s “King Theoden” in the Lord of the Rings movies but he’s still a good actor.

There were actually several messages from the movie I liked, although none were clearly positive for a Christian audience, they appealed to me, personally.

One was, “The institutions you serve, aren’t what they appear to be.”  As someone who has spent nearly 20 years combined service in a military run by traitors and foreign insurgents, that resonated with me.

Another was to demystify the myths of your past.  There were mundane explanations for everything paranormal about Hercules yet he was still able to do somewhat superhuman things when he realized his potential.

If you’re Tony Robbins, this “everyone is a hero or an astronaut or a president at heart” is quite absurd.  But if you’re a humble Christian, it encourages you to take a stand in the Righteousness and Strength of Jesus Christ when you are called upon to do so.

Lastly, the message of ignoring the spiritualism of “fate” or “karma” to boldly change the future is similar in its application as well.

I have a sense that even these ideas were stolen from Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014) which I have not seen yet.  I’ve already heard complaints from Christians who have that explanations for the plagues of Egypt and the leadership of Moses were too mundane but I have found that YHWH takes great pleasure in the quiet and subtle over the brash and miraculous.

I learned from watching Noah not to let Christian “experts” guide me for or against something I haven’t seen for myself.

Sadly, even the demystifying of a hero whose mother was raped by a god to create a superhuman hybrid takes audiences in the wrong direction as well (on purpose, I’m sure).  Gene-splicing, genome-mapping, cloning and Mengele-esque experiments on humans and animals to create super-soldiers and the like are a fact attested to by even “mainstream” sources.

150 Human Animal Hybrids Grown in UK Labs: Embryos Have Been Produced Secretively for the Past Three Years — The Daily Mail, 22 July 2011

If you’re a Christian, the closest thing you’ll find to your faith will be the occasional quip to “seek forgiveness from Zeus.”

If that’s the plan for the people behind and in this movie, I say “Good luck with that.”

But I started seeing those stupid masks as profile pictures for a lot of my Libertarian and Right-leaning friends on “Facebook” so I was intrigued. I bit the bullet and rented it.

And I was really sorry I did.

I have never before seen such a twisted hodge-podge of deep philosophical truth expertly intertwined with mindless, superficial perversity and crass, obnoxious Leftist propaganda.

The movie opens with a re-enactment of the capture and execution of English renegade Guy Fawkes, who masterminded the “Gunpowder Plot” of the 5^th of November, 1605, which was a plan to overthrow and destroy Parliament. Today (I’ve read), it is celebrated by the lighting of fireworks and burning of Fawkes in effigy—an event that apparently left the not-so-creative authors thinking they had a script on their hands.

I say “not so creative” because, although digging into history for the foundation of a science fantasy thriller can be powerful, it isn’t if it doesn’t match the reality.

The reason behind Fawkes’ rebellion was to hand England back to the Church of Rome—a pretty big aspect of this plot which is not only ignored but even mocked (as long as you connect Roman Catholicism with Christianity).

By way of an extremely cartoonish (get used to that word, I’ll need it a lot for this review) talkshow host “on the tellie”, Lewis Prothero, “The Voice of London”, (played by Roger Allam), we are given some back story.

Perhaps “buffoonish” would be a better term than “cartoonish” because the antics of Prothero very quickly show you that the film’s makers wish to make a total ass out of Right-leaning talk hosts (perhaps Rush Limbaugh was their intended target).

As a result of this talking ass, we learn that the “former United States” is sending wheat and tobacco (are we back to the frigging 1600s?!) groveling at the feet of Britons for “medical supplies”.

SURPRISE! Limey Libtard movie-makers hate the United States! It was with great relish that they portrayed America as a smoldering heap in the not-so-distant Apocalyptic future while England (which is just about there now) relives her glory days in the minds of these idiot writers.

Here’s the moronic thing: Rush Limbaugh may be a lot of things, but “The Voice of America” is not considered one of them. I would say that most of America is center-right in values and politics though (and I would love if it were true) I would not say that most of America has the same values as Rush Limbaugh.

How much more is this true for Limey-town (get it? —Jesse Jackson once called NYC “Hymietown” during a Jew-hating rant…British sailors used to suck on limes to avoid scurvy…Limey…town? …Nothing???)

I mean, are these depraved morons expecting us to believe that an autocratic, tyrannical, post-apocalyptic UK police state would skyrocket the Right to prominence and power amongst the same populace that voted England into the broke, socialistic, perverted laughingstock muslim haven it is today?

And they really lay it on thick. This idiot character (who, of course, comes nowhere near actually living his values) apes on about a paucity of “Godlessness” causing England’s woes and how they all need to deal with “immigrants” and the “homosexuals” and the “muslims”.

The “gay pride” parade, London, 02 July, 2011

And “sensitivity” to the needs of muslims in the UK? Some news articles for your perusal—

1 In 3 [UK] Muslim Students Approve Killing For Islam

Al-Qaeda Groomed Abdulmutallab [the Christmas Crotch-Bomber, a.k.a. “Fruit of Ka-boom”] in London
Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, 23, a former president of the Islamic Society at University College London, advertised speakers including political figures, human rights lawyers and former Guantánamo detainees.

Man Jailed for Planning Revenge Terror Mission

Britain “a Soft Touch for Home Grown Terrorists”

BBC TV Show Takes a Look Inside “Multicultural Britain” — It’s Not Pretty
They’re shocked! Shocked, I tell you, to find that Pakistani men do see white women as “easy meat” and target them for sex, rape, and assault.

Do I need to keep going or do you get the point? I mean, people are calling the UK “Londonistan”. Now do you think they need to stop repressing homosexuals and muslims? If anything, the total depravity of that country coupled with a massive influx of muslim immigrants, many of whom despise England and the West, will cause it’s complete demise in the very near future…maybe even before Armageddon.

There are those who are saying that this movie and plot go beyond mere moronic Libtard “black is white and white is black” alternate reality. At least one blogger is calling “V” an “Illuminati-approved project”, meaning that a powerful, behind-the-scenes Ruling Elite is using such “entertainment” to plant suggestions into the minds of the populace to send them in a certain direction.

Certainly, the reality in England is completely opposite of what the movie says the future will be so I sure hope that this was an attempt at mind-control from the All-Seeing Eye because otherwise you’d have to be a drooling idiot to accept what you are being bludgeoned with.

I don’t get the big attraction for the perverts in Hollywood to keep casting Natalie Portman in every other movie. I guess she’s a fair actress (oh…should I have written “ac-tor”?), but knowing that the English accent she was sporting was entirely fabricated just annoyed me.

On the other hand, unlike other such acting conundrums, I can’t recall catching her without it so kudos to an annoying girl.

Speaking of “language”, the movie was liberally (no pun intended) punctuated with “Christ!” here and “Jesus Christ” there and even a “Jesus Bloody Christ.” So I’m guessing that protecting Christians did not quite have the same priority as defending muslims to the film-makers.

Snidely Whiplash is reborn to strike unwarranted fear into the hearts of racist Britons.

—meanwhile…

The fascist “Norsefire” Party symbol looks oddly a lot like a Crusader’s Cross, here in the hands of some reprobate Secret Police called “Finger Men”.

However, we do get a nod towards “the Higher Being” by the repeated fortuitous “coincidences” that take place in the plot and then we are told by our hero, “V”, “I, like God, do not play with dice.”

Now, of course, we don’t go so far as to come near referencing any kind of Scripture. Here, a quote from Albert Einstein will do.

But Dr. Einstein was almost certainly thinking of this Passage when he wrote those words; “The lot is cast into the lap; but the disposing thereof is of the L-RD!” ~Proverbs 16:33* The humorous innuendo is that, G-d doesn’t play dice because he already knows what the outcome will be.

The state television network “E-vie” works at is “BTN” (the well thought-out “British Television Network”)…not to be confused with TBN – “Trinity Broadcasting Network”. I’m not a big fan of “TBN” but their gaudy shenanigans are a useful target for the Left, aren’t they?

If Natalie Portman was annoying as “E-vie”, Hugo Weaving of The Matrix and The Lord of the Rings fame was an excellent pick for the voice of “V”. He rivals the great James Mason for verbal gravitas.

We also learn that “V” hides behind a Guy Fawkes mask because he is horribly deformed by fire. Gee, that’s never been done before…unless of course you know who “Spawn” is.

Stephen Fry plays E-vie’s doting supervisor “Gordon Dietrich”. He’s such a good guy, and enormously funny with his variety show. Too bad he’s forced to flirt with E-vie in order to hide his homosexual lifestyle from the evil Right-wing State!

Actually, I found Fry much more amusing as General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett in Rowan Atkinson’s Blackadder Goes Forth, but I digress.

Shifting back to “truth”, we find that it was Englanders, themselves, who empowered the Conservative Police State in response to their fear and selfishness. It was “war, famine and disease” that turned them to embrace “High Chancellor Sutler” (played by John Hurt).

Yes. “High Chancellor”. Just like the guy from the 40’s with the funny mustache. Clumsy, no?

But “truth” is taken to the extreme when we later find out that the bio-terror that brought them to the brink of disaster was in fact initiated by their own government. Yes! Corrupt people already in power exploited their authority and fiduciary trust to create or enable a “bogey man” that, pardon the pun… “went viral”.

Today, in America, there are many who are starting to suspect that the Islamic threat we are all so terrified of, has been exploited or perhaps even enabled by a Ruling Elite looking for a bogey man that will push the sheeple towards accepting fascistic levels of control in a country whose middle name used to be “FREEDOM”.

Did you know that you are more likely to get killed by a lightning strike, a bee sting or a police officer than a terrorist, yet we now surrender ourselves at any airport where no indignity afflicted upon us is beneath the Transportation Security Administration.

TSA Searches Baby’s Diaper?

All this in direct violation of the Fourth Amendment to the United States Constitution:

“The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.”

Good thing no one is taught the Constitution throughout all levels of their education today, huh?!

I digress.

More truth comes spewing forth from the screen when we see how intimately the media colludes with the strong-arm government to put out a powerful agenda of propaganda. Truly, the imaginary England of the future and today’s England—and today’s America!—are ruled by a “government/media complex”.

CBS’s Norah O’Donnell [to Obama Press Secretary Jay Carney]: “You Gave Them Everything They Wanted And We Got Nothing!”

Soon we are brought into another “hidden underground chamber” where the kindly homosexual Gordon Dietrich has hidden all of the priceless art that the barbarian Conservatives would’ve destroyed in a bonfire in the town square!

Why, they even have a “Ministry of Objectionable Materials” to keep things from getting out of hand amongst the creativity-starved populace.

Again and again, Hollywood (and London) tells us that autocratic police states will use some kind of comical/Crypto/Christian/Religious organization to beat down “art” when, in reality, it is depravity that will be ridden into the New World Order.

Two well-known examples of “art” funded by the American taxpayer are Andres Serrano’s “Piss Christ” and Robert Mapplethorpe’s “homoerotic” photographs. Both were used as motivation for the Republican-controlled House of Representatives in the late 1980s to shut down the “National Endowment for the Arts” which had so terribly abused public money. Sadly, the Gingrich Congress was not even able to manage this minor win for the all-powerful tyrants of the future—the Conservatives!

But in case you start to smell a rat and begin to wake up from your movie/propaganda experience, “V” throws in another quote, this time from Thomas Jefferson (or a paraphrase thereof);

“…people should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of their people…”

The actual quote goes something like;

“When governments fear the people, there is liberty. When the people fear the government, there is tyranny.”

Then there’s another little morsel for the Liberty freaks. But this one should snag many on the Left too. As the stalwart detectives uncover the mystery of both V’s past and their country’s, they find out that “Prothero”, the “Voice of London” got filthy rich on “big pharma”.

When talking about “big” anything, I finally have an issue where the normally annoying, feel-good, “both Left and Right have it wrong” actually fits here. When this usually gets thrown out, all it does is cloud the issues and make the person saying or writing it feel good about themselves.

The Left doesn’t really like any capitalist endeavor which is foolish because, of all the failed economic doctrines, it is the least dysfunctional. It uses the reality of the “profit motive” as a form of check against abuse. Acknowledging the basic human desire of selfish aggrandizement is a Judeo/Christian world view (and, I believe, the most accurate). Those who feel that human beings are basically good and unselfish in their nature, are either lying to themselves, living on a desert island alone or naive beyond what is safe!

But a complete laissez-faire (“hands off”) approach to business is equally dangerous because it denies the ultimate goal of any business which is to monopolize their market to nullify the check of competition on setting rates. Once that is done, vicious price gouging can commence. Why not? The people need what you have and no one else is offering it.

And if you can’t monopolize by yourself, then you can co-operate with a handful of competitors and squeeze all the rest out, just as “Big Oil” has done (although the following article is from a socialist website—socialism is far more dysfunctional than capitalism—it is instructive):

Oil Bosses Rake in Record Profits as U.S. Economy Stalls

The Left and most historians (many are one and the same) have claimed Teddy Roosevelt as a “Progressive” but he governed much more as a “populist” than a Leftist. He truly loved both America and Americans and considered his presidency a sacred trust.

His reigning in of businesses that had combined in order to defeat competition is a great historical example of the kind of intervention needed by government on behalf of the people.

Teddy Roosevelt was one American who believed a revolution was coming.

He believed Wall Street financiers and powerful trust titans to be acting foolishly. While they were eating off fancy china on mahogany tables in marble dining rooms, the masses were roughing it. There seemed to be no limit to greed. If docking wages would increase profits, it was done. If higher railroad rates put more gold in their coffers, it was done. How much was enough, Roosevelt wondered?

The Sherman Anti-Trust Act

Although he himself was a man of means, he criticized the wealthy class of Americans on two counts. First, continued exploitation of the public could result in a violent uprising that could destroy the whole system. Second, the captains of industry were arrogant enough to believe themselves superior to the elected government. Now that he was President, Roosevelt went on the attack. ~ The Trust Buster, U.S. History.org

Sadly, what we have today, is just the opposite. Corruption, where Wall Street is in bed with Washington, stealing hard-earned tax dollars from the citizenry;

Wall Street Aristocracy Got $1.2 Trillion in Secret Loans

But I digress!

And again, we receive a little thrill for our justice-starved souls. “V” catches up with old Prothero and does him in.

Later, when E-vie learns of his death, she’s horrified and quickly surmises that “V” is the culprit. His response is long-sought by many in Western society where justice has died a slow death at the hands of depraved judges, lawyers and politicians; “violence can be used for good”, he says.

—“What are you talking about?” E-vie asks in dense uncomprehension.

“Justice.” V states flatly.

Just as many Westerners crave the “justice” they have lost in their permissive, licentious cultures, they also yearn for it to be swift and as ruthless as the predators that have so long plagued them.

—“And you’re going to kill more people?” E-vie adds.

“Yes.” V states flatly.

So our Vengeance juices are flowing and we’ve forgotten that those whom we are Vindicating ourselves with are a ludicrous caricature of the modern Right.

Oh it gets better. Soon our intrepid detectives are horrified to find out that E-vie’s parents were uber-Liberal war protestors who were done dirty by the Conservatives—SWAT teams in black masks “black bagged” them and carted them off to an internment camp. A motive for her to give aid and comfort to the Vigilante!

It’s a tactic very familiar to anyone not protected by a donation to the current president;

Guitar Frets: Environmental Enforcement Leaves Musicians in Fear

Report: Gibson Competitor is Dem Donor; Uses Same Wood, Experienced No Federal Raids

Then we are introduced to the usual corrupt Church pervert—a “bishop” who likes little girls. We are thrilled when V Viciously eViscerates him. But V is almost caught by the roving surveillance van that overhears the crime!

A Key Sept. 11 Legacy: More Domestic Surveillance:
In one of the biggest changes to American life since the 2001 terrorist attacks, the government now collects vast quantities of information about its citizens.

So which is it, Catholics are corrupt perverts or liberating heroes?! Well let’s just forget what Fawkes was up to and look at the cool mask.

And I forgot to share with you the crowning glory of fruity Gordon Dietrich’s art treasury: a quran!

But E-vie knows old Gordon isn’t a muslim! Of course, Gordo effuses! He doesn’t need to be a muslim to appreciate the “poetry” and “beauty” of the book!

Execution of Two Gay Teens in Iran Spurs Controversy

UK Muslim Cleric Defends Killing Homosexuals

In an earlier version of this movie, the camera then pans to a signed picture of Stalin eating a luxurious multi-course meal with some Ukrainian peasants, but you’ll have to buy the Director’s cut for that.

But in case you were worried, don’t be—there are no Bibles in the art safe. I mean, come on. There are some books that Conservatives should just go ahead and burn!

But alas, poor fruity Gordo Dietrich gets “black bagged” right in front of E-vie and the episode of his variety show that does him in has the audacity to both make fun of the “High Chancellor” and hearken back to the good ole days of Benny Hill!

Most of you probably won’t get the reference. Hill’s popular English variety/comedy show was the best of 60s, 70s and 80s debauchery.

Ah, the good ole days!

The movie then takes an interesting turn as E-vie gets “caught” by the State in the same dragnet and is sent to “prison”. Here we get a stirring graphic of what it must’ve been like for young Jewish women taken by Nazis (which normally isn’t the forte of but is safe enough if it is quick and doesn’t leave you with any desire to support Israel). Her head is shaved and she is dehumanized, seemingly tortured and thrown into a prison cell. There her only connection with reality is the inmate next to her, a once-beautiful actress, imprisoned for…you guessed it; loving another woman. Her name, is “Valerie”. Aww!

Now if you close your eyes, and fixate on the most innocent victim of fascist tyranny, will that picture be of two hot chicks sucking each other’s tongues? —IT WAS FOR THESE LIMEY LIBTARD PERVERTS.

Seriously! I remember watching this part of the movie and going, are you kidding me?! Unless you’re a subscriber to “Hustler” magazine, you’re probably saying the same thing. It doesn’t get any better when we find out that Valerie’s cruel punishment for being a hot lesbian who lived with another hot lesbian (and, really, aren’t all lesbians just so hot?!) was what actually turned our badass hero into a Vengeance-seeking Vigilante.

Originally, Marvel comics had similar circumstances motivating The Punisher but they found that test audiences didn’t take to it readily.

Right about the time you’re ready to get and walk out in laughing disgust, you are told that it wasn’t really jail at all! E-vie was being boot-camped by “V” in an attempt to toughen her by giving her experiences she never would’ve had without his guidance. It is a twist that harkens back to the surprise thriller Fight Club. Normally, I can’t stand anything with Brad Pitt in it because of the pop culture icon he has become. So passé. But the plot of Fight Club is powerful, especially when you find out that Pitt is actually a projection of Ed Norton’s ego, who he thinks he should be as he forces himself to experience events that dramatically change him from a car wreck to a secret underground bloodsport.

The “V” ends in similar fashion; with glorious anarchy overwhelming the evil Conservative autocratic State.

As perhaps the crowning glory of ridiculous cinematic stupidity, E-vie returns V’s disclosed affection for her by tenderly kissing…his hardened, supposedly bullet-proof mask.

Powerful…if you’re 5.

But before we subscribe to joy of anarchy, let me warn our dear Leftist friends whether they are making movies or monetary policy…

—it is a sword that can cut in any direction.

_____________________

* The Name “Lord” or “LORD” is often abbreviated by orthodox Jews out of deep respect and, to make a point to my brother and sister Christians, I have taken to writing likewise.